I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
