I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
