the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
