Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
