Nicole vs. Life
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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