I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
