Kiss
Puke
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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