I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.