ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
