You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.