Kiss
Puke
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
