but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
