Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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