Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
