JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
