It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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