If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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