her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
