You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
