I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
