nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
