I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
