I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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