after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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