I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i drank out of a bidet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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