I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pooping to opera.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
