If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
