So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
