mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
