so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
