I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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