You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
