She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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