I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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