And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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