i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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