sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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