I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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