Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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