Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
