You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
