I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
