First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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