did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
