:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
