I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
