There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
