did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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