She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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