So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
