i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
