does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
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I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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