Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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