none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
