i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
