...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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