please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
