If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
