Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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