Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
