i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
