Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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