im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
