hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This is not my ceiling
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
