So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
