I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
