Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
