I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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