You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
