Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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