Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
