he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
