It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
