Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
