Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
