This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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