the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
