Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
