Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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