i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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