so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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